A Quick Note On My Health And Hearing

Why I've ignored you or asked you to repeat things over the past year...

A couple of years ago, halfway through my Masters’ studies, I began noticing that the hearing in my left ear was significantly more acute than in my right ear.

Several visits to my primary physician revealed that a significant amount of wax (gross) had gathered within my ear canal and was suspected to be the source of my hearing imbalance.

This condition reoccurred for at least four full years. Once or twice a year, I would feel that my right ear was hearing at a higher level than the left ear, prompting a doctor’s visit, getting shamed for not cleaning my left ear properly, and subsequently getting my ear “flushed” to deal with the problem.

In 2020 my hearing impairment escalated to partial loss in my left ear. My doctor treated me for earwax blockage and subsequently for an ear infection. Once both approaches proved unsuccessful, I was referred to a specialist who discovered that my partial hearing loss due to a cholesteatoma or “an abnormal collection of skin cells” that could “damage the delicate structures inside your ear that are essential for hearing and balance.”

Finally, after years of feeling that there was something wrong with me or being verbally shamed by medical staff about my hygiene, I had a diagnosis.

The following year, during the fall of 2021, I underwent surgery to remove the cholesteatoma from my middle ear. This procedure would require at least six full months to heal from, with the idea that my hearing would be reconstructed sometime in August 2022.

August came and went, as my doctor ordered my hearing reconstruction be postponed by three months, given I had contracted COVID-19. All of which brings us to today.

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Last week, I returned to the hospital for my scheduled hearing reconstruction. I had been looking forward to that moment for quite some time as living with half of my hearing tested my patience and simultaneously taught me about some of the challenges the hard-of-hearing community face daily.

Loud noises became unbearable, and so did loud restaurant settings where my attention was constantly split between ensuring I could hear the waiter, the person in front or next to me, and kept paying attention to my surroundings.

Overwhelming, and at times (if I am being honest with myself) even frustrating, is an understatement. For six months, I felt as if I could not fully enjoy an outing to a backyard party or a concert while simultaneously feeling some guilt about my situation.

I still had my right ear, which meant that I could still hear music, sounds, the radio, and hold conversations with others. Not to mention that I had very real options to regain all or most of my original hearing levels.

So why was I dwelling on the negative instead of focusing more on my eventual recovery? Unfortunately, I do not think I have the answer to that just yet — at least not a real answer that I can both come to terms with at a personal level and be willing to share with ya’ll.

And to be perfectly honest, I may not have an answer for quite some time.

As I write this, I can tell you that I will not be able to regain my full hearing until December 2022 — maybe even sometime next year. Time (and another round of CAT scans) will make that determination for me.

As it turns out, the procedure I underwent last week was somewhat unsuccessful. My medical team was unable to reconstruct my hearing, the procedure we had delayed by three months and had agreed to proceed with, as they discovered that the cholesteatoma had grown back to the degree that required additional attention.

In short, I am back to square one in some way. On one hand, I must take some time to heal from the puncture in my ear canal (I did not undergo general anesthesia and leave the hospital without getting something done!) where my doctor managed to extract some of the cholesteatoma.

On the other hand, I now have to see another specialist with the hope he can remove the remaining cholesteatoma and rebuild my hearing in one surgery instead of two. Again, time and my body, not my doctors, will determine when and how I regain a greater range of hearing.

All I can do for now is return to my life with a greater understanding that I am on a journey to recover my hearing, while learning more about the complexities of this condition and how to best address them.

If you know me, then you know I hate repeating myself more than twice just as much as I dislike asking unnecessary questions. Perhaps now that I will have to deal with the impact of the cholesteatoma for some additional time (maybe even throughout the rest of my life), I can focus on building the skills to better myself and my relationship with others.

Thank you all for reading this personal update — and even greater thanks to everyone who has reached out with encouragement, support, and inquiries about my health. You all are truly the reason why I pushed myself to write this post.

Now, it is time to go back to politics, tech, and other random musings.